Brainrot College Admissions Essay
Weapons Against Writer's Block
A short note before you begin reading: this is something I wrote while I was having terrible writer’s block while trying to write an ‘admissions essay’ also known as ‘why should you let me into your college’ to submit to New Saint Andrews College. I did not turn it in (for obvious reasons, I hope!), but I thought some of you might enjoy reading it! It also serves as a reminder that sometimes writing badly can unleash the good writing blocked up behind the dam in your head. For those who read this who know me, please know that my brain is a very, very, very strange place. Very strange indeed…
To the Admissions Board at New Saint Andrews College
Salutations from Smeagol, also called Gollum, former Master of the One Ring.
All language is as dictated.
It isn’t fair, no precious! It askses us too many nasty hard questions. It makes our head hurt! But Smeagol tries, precious, good Smeagol answers nasty tricksy questions.
Why does Smeagol think NSA is right for Smeagol, precious? Why does Smeagol want to go to NSA, it askses us, precious. Smeagol says that Smeagol is good, nice too, and brilliant! Did Smeagol mention we is also humble? Smeagol is fully qualifiedses for the big fancy university, precious. We wants to go to NSA because we wants to be famous great author and write long endless novelses about our sufferingses in the dark land under the hobbitses! Smeagol was tortured! Poor Smeagol cracked our toothses on nasty Bagginses finger, precious! (We hates Baggins forever!) But to write long novelses we has to be good author, and Smeagol’s grammarses is terrible awful! Good Smeagol wants to do better… and benefitses of being famous author is lotses of money.
Smeagol promises to be good at NSA, precious, he promises to try! But will be very very hard for us to be nice to nasty orcses and stupid fat hobbitses named Sam, yes precious! The precious understands, precious always understands.
Smeagol also wants to go to big fancy university to prove that he has rightses too! Smeagol doesn’t have to be snooty vegan elf or fancy fat hobbit with disgusting taters or hammery dwarf or tall cruel wizard with poky staff to go to big university. Smeagol can do it too!
NSA will help Smeagol’s goals of being famous author by improving Smeagol’s grammar, and help Smeagol’s will to live and sense of self-worth by assuring us that we is just as good as nasty hobbitses.
Smeagol humbly hopes that New Saint Andrewses Board of Admissionses will consider our humble request.
With great hopeses and prayerses for considerations,
Smeagol, also known as Gollum
Former Master of the One Ring
Survivor of The Firy Mountain Orodruin
Great idea for killing the writer’s block!
Also, that last line was golden: “With great hopses and prayerses for considerations”.
The thought of Smeagol humbly praying for a college admission is absurdly funny.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣This is awesome!